Wednesday, June 10, 2009

3ww-what a dangerous keepsake the restless spirit is

What a dangerous keepsake the restless spirit is
writhing through the night
searching day by day
for more meatier experiences
for a place to finally stay

waltzing amidst the jungles
tightroping through the throngs
of people and of places
of instances and wrongs

that constant continuous search for something
anything there
that spirit that falls off your curio shelf
that breaks in the thin air

oh what a dangerous keepsake that restless spirit is
its breaking its ribs
and jumping off cliffs
to find out where it lives

what a comforting thought to inside know
that somewhere there is a home
a solitary chunk of wilderness
that spirit calls its own

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

3ww-alliteration alley

Drat on the dum dum dreary day
discounted duties dragging on
does dilly dally drink me down

spread me around
like butter on burnt toast

Early easter eves eager
eyelight on everyone's eulogy
even I eked out entertainment

behind a movie theater
at 2 in the morning

Too too timidly touching
tasty tidbits of total tenderness
thunderroll taking tremendous toll

on you and me
and what I suppose to never be.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Keep on Truckin

Trying to move on
searching for something new
to do
just need to get through

Too damn old to be feeling
like this
little lost frosty cool
without much in my head

Waking up is hard to do

My fingers keep talking
lurching everyday

The littlegirlbirthday party
with too too many presents
not enough time
to make one mine
and find that one find
that I have been dreaming of

Married to a day to day
that needs to get away
It's damn near time for a divorce

The little girl will suffer the most.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

3ww-Alex's night

Bwak bwak bwak
bicker backed sstrut around the room
pecking at the little things
he tells us all how we have failed
We see this fainting finger pointing
as its trajectory closes into the space behind my daughter

My daughter on the roof
crying over daddy do dahs
and daddy wah wahs
and her nervous looks down at me
on the concrete below

just wishing there was a way out
of this little luau of lackluster laments
burning holes in her self esteem
taking pills that don't make her better
he fires away
another round of babble
with shrapel of shit
and circumstance

So I hold her and tell her to breathe
this too shall pass
and when these boomers give us clean skies
we will bask in their sunshiney goodness.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Maya Angelou!

Oh Madam Maya
how you have touched us all!!!!

Last night had to be one of the most amazing things! I don't even care that the sound was screwed up because I got to see a living legend. She was one of the most motivational speakers I have ever had the pleasure of hearing. What positivity! One woman able to lift the spirits of a whole coliseum full of people. How amazed I was to be able to share that moment with my daughter and with Lana. They will always remember that they saw her speak in Canyon, TX.

She got me to thinking about the rainbows in my cloud and I decided it is time to give props to them. So here they are in no particular order just in a list!

Alex-when I got pregnant with her at 17 I never knew if I would be able to do it-to have a baby and grow up and take care of it. My ex's family accepted us as we were and for that they were a rainbow in my cloud. But Alex, oh Alex, she gave me a reason to grow up and a purpose in my life. She taught me so much about myself that I didn't even know at the time. She has been a staple in my life for 13 years and I know she is one of those rainbows in my cloud.

Jojo-I know it must be easy to count your children as your rainbows, but Jojo has given me patience. When I was all about go, go, go with my oldest schedule, Jojo showed up in my life and taught me that you can't always plan out your existence and that it is ok to walk a little slower and check out the little things you may over look. She has taught me that tutus and grocery stores go hand in hand and that passion is sometimes a wonderful thing. She cares so deeply about everything and for that she is a rainbow in my cloud.

Lana-Who came to me when I needed a confidant. She has not been like a daughter to me, she has been my friend and something like a little sister. I want to keep hr under my umbrella but I know she must get out and move on sometime. When I have needed to talk, she is there and will listen for hours if the need be. She also let me be her guardian-she let me help her out. She let me be maternal when I Jojo had gone to her dad's. She didn't replace her but she gave me a good distraction. For that she is one of my rainbows.

Brandon-I was lost and tired and ready to never ever love someone again. He came out of nowhere and blindsided me with a relationship I haven't ever had. He accepts me as is-he lets me try new things and supports me-he genuinely enjoys my company and who I am-he is who he is, there is no trying to figure it out-he is loving-he is emotionally there for me-he picks me up when I am down-he lifts me up higher when I am up already. He is a rainbow in my cloud.

I can think of some many more and I could list them all-

Courtney-for keeping me grounded when I was trying to get away from reality

Crystal-for offering hugs and caring words when I needed them most

Jan Ragsdale-for teaching me things I never would have known in life without a little mothering which I so desperately needed. For sharing interests with me when I wanted to discuss things and for listening when I was down about what seemed like everything.

my stepsister Brandi-who came to the wedding even though my whole family had forsaken me and won't speak to me. Just seeing her face there was a rainbow in my cloud.

I could go on and on and on-but this is the thing that Maya Angelou did to me-she had me see that so many people in my life have "paid" my way by being the rainbow in my cloud.

So today I am going to spend some time getting back to writing and pick up a pack of thank you notes and let these people who are rainbows in my cloud know that that is what they are.

One amazing woman-and I am so grateful to have heard her.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Bands I Saw This Weekend-Shurman and DataKid


Gritty raw rustic rungs
of fiery dirty back home words
licks of guitar sending me back
sawdust dangling dance poses
scooting and sneezing at the dirt in the air

voice telling me in country
full of acousticobstacles
only the best u ever had

music sending me to rock
rockabilly hilly sounds

drinks and thinks
limes and beer
cougars gyrating to the
thumping beat of the drums
begging one more look
at the steamy lead singer

Small Town Tragedies
don't start til midnight
but keep coming at the hands
of you Shurman boys


Who knew Kings of Leon
could sound so good
without the Leons

Frat boys screaming
waving the horns in the air
Do it for Love

techno keyboard
bass speaker thump
fingers picking to their

making my toe tap
even when I try
to keep it down

Weezer windy washes
of music that matters
covers that care

everybody sings!
crowd and everythings!

energy on the mike
in the crowd
all over the bar

you can feel it
in wooden plank floorboards
in your speaker rocked innards
in the smell of the dancing bodies
in the aura of the music made menagerie
that is a group of datakids

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

3ww-medieval times

On his honor I took the hand
offered in honest oath
I thought

I scanned the crowd gathered
to see only plain
faces indulged in wrath

no wedding this day
no sweet words of love
no way to please his passion

only down dirty despots of deceit
and death

the latter the matter of fact

yes, instead of bouquets and rings
and reception
I lay my head upon the cold wood headrest
and in
seconds time

the slide of the steel
as it kissed my neck

Friday, April 17, 2009

for jojo

Sometimes when I look at her door
it creeps up in my eyes
from somewhere it tickle tip toes
out of the bowels of my soul
and into tears

Her pink pink glitter
spread all over
her name in flashing lights

The mop pony
the stick horse
the dolls, and animals,
the tutu on the floor

dollhouse full of barbies with colored faces
blue barbie eyes
like hers
stare back

i have to keep that door closed
because my soul weeps
but it hurts too much
to turn away

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

3ww-a little somethin somethin

Eyes unvivid gray
cast the allure of disgrace
perch upon my face
perch upon my face
cast the allure of disgrace
eyes unvivd gray

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

wedding ceremony

Some people have been asking me about our ceremony-the elvis themed one-so I decided to post it here and make it easy to get to.

Brandon and Ande’s
Music Wedding

Brandon Presley

March 28, 2009

Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to witness before family and friends the exchange of solemn vows between Brandon and Ande.

If there are any "suspicious minds" present in the audience, "doncha think it's time" to speak "now or never" because "their love won't wait"?

Alex and Lana would like to read a passage from one of their favorite movies, Moulin Rouge:

Christian: Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendored thing, love, lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love.
S: Love is just a game.
Both: In the name of love, one night in the name of love.
C: Don't leave me this way, I can't survive, without your sweetlove, oh baby, don't leave me this way.
S: You'd think that people would have had enough of sillylove songs.
C: I look around me and I see, it isn't so, oh no.
S: Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs.
C: Well what's wrong with that, I'd like to know? cause here I go again! Love lifts us up where we belong, where eagles fly, ona mountain high.
S: Love makes us act like we are fools, throw our lives awayfor one happy day.

Both: We could be heroes, just for one day.
C: We should be lovers, and that's a fact.
S: Though nothing, will keep us together.
C: We could steal time...
Both: Just for one day. We could be heroes, for ever and ever.
C: Just because I will always love you.
Both: How Wonderful life is now your in the world

Brandon and Ande have prepared their own vows and will now read them to each other.

Brandon’s vows

Ande’s vows

Please take this moment to "surrender" the tokens of your affection.
Brandon Parlow repeat after me:
It took a "hard headed woman" to make a "fool such as I", the "king of the whole wide world". Now "I'm all shook up" over "the wonder of you. Pause
” I thought only "fools fall in love." "I love you so", whether we have "fame and fortune" or live, "in the ghetto". Pause
"You are my good luck charm." I give you this ring as a symbol of my “steadfast loyal and true” love for you.

Ande Ragsdale, repeat after me:

"It only took one night" to get "stuck on you", you big "hunka hunka burnin' love!" pause
"You're always on my mind." I thought you were "nothin' but a hound dog, cryin' all the time", but now I know "you're my teddy bear.” pause
Just remember to “love me tender" "for I can't help falling in love with you". This ring as a symbol of my “steadfast, loyal, and true” love for you.

On behalf of all who are gathered here, we hope the "thrill of your love" brings you a "pocketfull of rainbows". By the powers vested in me I now pronounce you Husband and Wife, but remember, there is no "return to sender."

Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in welcoming Brandon and Ande Parlow.

Thank you, thank you very much!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

3ww-sing it christina

She skirt flirts with disaster
taking her donuts in even faster
does she care anymore about the hem of her dress
that the muffins have become a part of her anatomy?
no she likes the stunning shine of the glaze upon her lips
like cherry fried chapstick

this body is beautiful
in the arc of light thrown on her by her bedroom windows every morning
no one can see the very ancient goodness
of it
and bouncy
no ploy of playing seductive
it IS seductive
one just wants to reach out and grab on

she shakes the memory off her face
she licks the sweet gripping cherry stain off her lips
she returns to her computer
it's just another morning donut
it's just the same old place
it's just the same old time

she'll balance it out with a salad for lunch.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

was gonna

hey all I was gonna blog today but now that I see three word wednesday is tomorrow I think I will just wait and post then.

Happy days.

Here are some wedding photos:

Friday, April 3, 2009

need to give some props!~!!!

Okay so every once and awhile someone you know is just having a hard time. Right now that person in my life is my buddy Crystal Phares across the cubicle wall. I don't want to get into particulars, but if you gyus ever check out her blog it's pretty fun too. Anyway-if you know crystal send her a note to tell her that she is indeed fabulous and that the world loves her even if certain mean ass people don't!

You are awesome crystal!!!! Don't ever let certain people get you down! Kharma is a bitch!!!!!

Loves you!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

3ww-last week! Crossing

She sighs and crosses her chest
with a father
and a holy

Her fingers speak her burden

to the world she is religious
in her soul

she is not

she has what she has got

no thing more

Still she yearns for that ubiquitous stain
of scarlet letter A
to give her one day of pleasure
that she can hide in her purse
and not confess

just carry it in her heart and know

that humans are natural sinners
and at least it is warm in hell.

3ww-from this week- White Wedding?

Restless reactive layers of snow
causing my white wilty dress to blow
up up and away

earnestly i kiss the moon
close my eyes way to soon
and miss my mark

eager beaver waiting in the wings
trying to hold on to petty things
that I let go long ago

i turn around and bound
back to the place i call home
hide my eyes from things
i will never understand

and dream of the day that i can return.

Monday, March 16, 2009

I'm leaving on a jet plane

Lots going on right now. I'm a tad overwhelmed, I won't lie. I am trying desperately to make our budget work for the wedding and all, but it just seems like we might be short come the 28th. I will totally cry if that happens. Anyway, I got lots done this past weekend. Painting and wedding stuff. I just need things to start to fall into place though. I think we are done purchasing stuff except some bottles of wine and some beer. We need to get our vows written and discuss ceremony tactics with our officiant. He needs to get ordained too. I am just trying to get the ducks in a herd, not even a row, just together. I know in my heart it will all be fine. My art show, the wedding, Alex's fencing tournament, it will all be ok. I just have to give some of my worry to the higher being.

On a lighter note, I am very excited that tomorrow is one of my favorite holidays-St. Patty's Day! I will be in El Paso, not really the biggest Irish gala but I bet we can find something to do.

Well if I don't blog a lot this week you know why. Out of town and trying not to be too stressed.

Have a great week.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

3WW-Cajun Cooking

Spoony sun swamp thing forest
dripping oozy weeedy things
Stinky sunshine peeking through slivers
cajoling the cajun canopy
sit and wither, rise and shine
voodoo man nostrils flare
tempests temper riding high
shaking his stick everywhere
dance that wild dance old bone nose
boy and a severed head
marie loved magic so damn much
that good looking boy just had to go
smoke in the bayou
deep down by the house
reckless recluse runs nearby
someone is cooking something unknown
by the river that gleams at twilight

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Just playing around

The dust blew in the window like air being exhaled from a dying body. It spread contagion with it. Everywhere it went-spores and molecules of death and disease. We tried not to breathe it in. No amount of duct tape or gas mask could protect us. There we sat like stool pigeons on a stoop. Just breathing in the last few measures of the life we had known. You could feel your eyes change color. You could almost put a name on the gorge rising in your throat. The hairs on your arm starting to grow at an alarming rate. The tear down your spine was the worst. The cracking and popping as the body you had known grew into the body you would have forever, whether you wanted it or not.

Monday, March 9, 2009

ta da

My glasses are stretched out.
It's like cyanide to the eyes
I tilt my head the wrong way
they slide left to right
I look down and the go go gone
librarian faced for a second
I contemplate that
as the slide towards the tile
that I spent money on glasses
they don't fit right
and they reflect back
at everything I see

I must be shrinking
that would explain so much
I'm lost in the world so often
my fingers are smaller
my rings are loose

If only my ass would follow suit

The blue blue sky threatens to swallow
when I look up at it
and I hear the mockingbird sing
sweet sweet chirpington
oooooo bad bad leroy brown

I am looking for my nest
my niche
my place to feel large and full

I stare at that sky
that bird
feel my glasses slip more
and suddenly am blind
and deaf
and alone once more

Friday, March 6, 2009

Lots of useless drivel but a poem at the end

I am going to attempt to paint large canvas tonight. Any suggestions as to content? I was thinking maybe of a geisha girl. Not sure. Anyway, I am up to my ears in wedding stuff right now. I have a shower this weekend and have to find canvas on a roll-hard to find in amarillo, and need to finish table runners and my gown. I don't have my kids this weekend and that saddens me-it's been two weeks since I have seen jojo and alex is fighting with her dad again. She wants to do a private lesson at fencing tonight and he is mad that she won't be at his house by the court appointed 6 but rather 9 when she is finished. I am again suffering from our seasonal winds and pollen count. MISERABLE. My new inlaws (mom, two sisters and nephew) will be here tomorrow around 12 and my house looks like that dog from Turner and Hooch got a hold of it. I'm a bit frustrated with my wonderful man and my two teens keep fighting over the shower-I mean really! Alex was not done with fencing until 11 last night and she got beat up pretty good, I came home took one look at the fact that Brandon had not cleaned anything and just went to bed so that I wouldn't say mean things to everyone.

Just need a break.

Anyway-I know this is just drivel but it needed said.

Here's a poem for you who need that instead:

Itchy eyeball
encrusted in sleep filth of the night
red scarred cornea looks upon the world
as a weight
as a thorn
this eye only opens halfway
the other half longs for rest
kids buzz past in their cars
talking on phones
telling the world
look at me
look at me
I'm so super skinny

the eyeball blinks slow
in its meandering muscular twitch
and the image the brain gets
says you are nothing now
and in 10 years nothing more

red red itchy reasons
to hate the beautiful things in the way

close the eyeball
and look away.

Thursday, March 5, 2009


Cool tongue lolling touches
Oh so close to my pregnant brain
No I did not want to tell you these things
Volumes lore meaning and sense
Easy to ignore my empty synapse fire
Ready reasons for rugged regrets
Silly to think I should want more from your lies
Alone I take what I get
Too too true sings the gopher to the big fat moon
I stand alone with my words
Only to wish that I heard you that time
No, instead, I dizzy drink more of my time wine

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

I totally forgot to naisaiku yesterday-so I wrote two

Climb into the house
Mother patiently awaits
holding a cold stew
holding a cold stew
mother patiently awaits
climb into the house

I like the color
the vibrant lime of the green
pulsates in my soul
pulsates in my soul
the vibrant lime of the green
I like the color

3WW-for josephine

sky blue eyes
always looking
always searching

one day she will see him for what he is
one day she will see me for what I am

will she like me?

He rules her universe now with his pewter fist
always remolding and retelling
viscous noises of genuine dislike

he serves her plates full of pity me
he tells me I threw her away
you never cared for her
you don't love her

say it enough and it might be true

But I do
I do to him to too
until I do did no more

I will avenge her years with him
I will teach her to fly
to rise above his ramble
to see the nuggets of goodness
to know real love when it touches you

Like a phoenix she will burn and become
One day


Monday, March 2, 2009

Paper Planes

Air under my wings
paper wings flapping
windswept sweeping of my nose
I lean forward too too much
tip to the ground and dive

I close my eyes because I don't want to see
the ground surge up at me

I do not lift back up at the last lovely light
I crash face first into a cold new existence
I breathe that refreshing breathe

I suck it in
I wake up
My eyes pop
I say
I do.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

naisaiku challenge-

I got this comment from someone on my 3 ww about this haiku esque poem thingy and thought I would try it. So here goes.

Barbecue and beans
Cole slaw dreams and pretty things
Wiggle in your boots
Wiggle in your boots
Cole slaw dreams and pretty things
Barbecue and beans

Don’t look to the East
Sunskorch burns the eyes of Rome
Read! Paint! Sing new songs!
Don’t look to the East
Sunskorch burns the eyes of Rome
Read! Paint! Sing new songs!

3WW-One More Time

He dances
in the unnatural strobe lights
that change as quickly as his mind
he sweats
it trickles from his forehead
down his neck
onto his chest
it glistens under it's unbuttoned curtain call

He gyrates to the music
feels it deep down
Girls notice him
they like the fact that he's not inhibited
that he dances
that he has fun
His persistent palpitations of hips
his beat-bobbing head
his closed eyes
Attract them and repulse them all at one time

He dances with partners
but mostly alone

The music moves him
to another place
that place where callous calls
money money money honey
don't exist
just the steady boom boom boom
of the room
of the night-of his unlife

He feels no obligations on the floor
just wants more
some more
one more

He knows it will end
it always does
interfering integrity and ill met realities
always greet him at 2 a.m.

He turns and breathes deep
slings the last songs sweat from his face
hears a new beat
sees a new partner
and cozies up to the new confections

Monday, February 23, 2009

on buying a new car

the upholstery is black
the exterior black
the shiny gauges and floor
black black black

my financial outlook for the future
along with higher insurance
a teen driver
and my own accident record

i am conflicted looking at the new car
happy to be in it
impressed by all it does
plugs for the ipod
some get up and go
and neat new features
my used subaru did not have


i am saddened by the 300 less a month
because that is how much insurance
and the beast take away from
going out
eating well
and just the general fund for well being
that was slim anyway

but there it sits
shiny shiny and new
and in need of rubber floormats.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

3 WW-Thank God for Playboy

candid candid camera
snapping photos of unclad women
forcing pulses to double
and glands to salivate

the snap of the image
fireball erupting into the dark
smell of old lit matches
Her nipples hard from the cold of the room
She bites the inside of her mouth hard
to focus on anything but her pale nakedness

The impulse is to grab her robe and run
Out into the night air with nowhere to go
No money
25 cents and a cracker
do you think that's enough
to get her there
to get her anywhere

She lays back taking a break
The arch in her back starting to ache
Her head throbs almost as hard
as the camera man's genitalia

"Only two more Rosie"
he states as he readies for another
orgasmic explosion of film and fire
She steadies herself and bends over
her ass towards the lens
it's a risk that she has to take.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

For You Coach Howard

The bag lay flat and empty upon the floor
It's contents divided to separate parts of the room
Though still united in the group of hands that held them
The words silently floated about
and stabbed
pierced the hearts who heard them

Grips tightened upon gifts
fingers wetwiped back tears
Tears that crescendo into applause
The sad white wave of what had come to pass
No more shuffle feet forward
to give advice
to comfort the sobs
to teach the parry or lunge
College building inebriated smell
invading the thoughts of those sitting upon the floor
Cold creeping up into their tailbones
Cold forcing down upon their bodies

There is "this" man
Wise beyond wise
talented beyond talented
and untapped
ruled by the disease which is killing him
Now the comfort lays in watching
shouting instructions across the room
He is not done

Private lessons ended
a lifetime closing
Closing time

There he sat
Regal and ready
in his wheelchair
a little over four foot tall

That man in his wheelchair
was the tallest man that day.

Monday, February 16, 2009


Easter egg me
covered in itchy itchy bits
hot faced and tired
my ends are split

Need a rest
a pill full of dark
can't find my bed
can't even start

Sitting here pain
in the flats of
clothes on skin
I feel a thirst

I close my eyes
dream of sheets
and the wave washes me
to fields of era and tide

I don't glow
with touches of sun
whiffs of coconut
and baby oil

I melt
with stink of cortisone
burned badly backhands
and beaten brows

I will rise
I will float
at 5 o clock
and drug myself to dreams

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


His tattoo speaks to him
He says it curses him one day
loves him the next
His wife remains silent
inside their cardboard perfection of a home

She looks out windows with a duster in her hand
reprimanded by her brain
for thoughts of the high school boy across the way
her disarray shows at the fringes of her being
her soul unravels in her eyelashes and cuticles
She continues to fluff and pat

He walks by her to the kitchen
the first cup of joe
Ahhhh the drink of the Gods
This black life giving liquid that leaves him
with the urge to validate their relationship and leave her one
semi sweet
peck on the check

She will not miss him
HE will not miss her

Their division smacks of so many other
relationships gone wrong
while girls go wild
It is this new world of loneliness
that harbors in the timeless capsules of youth
looking and searching
never finding
and never seeking
something the Ward and June had

If you can't have stability
at least go out and get you some

The brickness of it all weighs down the world
in a flattened fury of frustration
in the midnight of our evolution we broke
this residue of rabble is our new existence

faces wonder, wander, gaze at rainbows
shut their eyes and more morosely
walk away

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

3 word wednesday

crumpled, rumpled by the dirt in my closet
kicked off the heels of new shoes
I explicitly told the children not to romp in
the heather of old tales untold
they burn in the garden rings and rosies
singing those songs of my life
and I continue to stir the dull macaroni
that bubbles and fissures boiling hot
Illicit little noodles of thought and circumstance
nourishing another day of ants in my pants
I ache for those days of arms wrapped around me
those times when it seemed these superiors cared
when I fished for a compliment and got one
to cook it all up with lemons and capers and eat
the divine fish of my soul
now it is all shots and semen
and my nerve walks no more

Friday, January 23, 2009

Go Fearlessly into the Great Unkown-But-Go Finger First!

Back in the summer, my 4 year old daughter, Jojo, accompanied me to a gig my fiance was playing at a local rodeo. We were waiting around for them to get sound check over so we could go eat something and the most horrible thing happened. There were these poles-metal about 1 1/2 inches in diameter-created a fence around the place. The girls, my 13 year old was there too, were sitting on them and swinging and stuff like that. I didn't think anything of it. Out of nowhere Jojo starts screaming bloody murder. Owwwie, owwie, owwie! I looked back, already in flight or fight state, to see her clutching her hand with her index finger in the air. It looked fine. I figured she must of jammed it some how or something. I didn't know. All seemed safe to me. I was examining the finger and Jojo was still letting the owwie owwie owwie choo choo chug down the tracks loudly, when Alex exclaims, "Oh my gosh mom look!" I leave the wounded Jojo to go look at the tiny hole where my youngest daughter had just inserted her finger. Inside that hole is a nest of yellow jackets-pissed yellow jackets. I suddenly realize that Jojo has just suffered several stings on her one tiny little finger.

My heart bleeds for her and I, being out at a soggy, muddy rodeo grounds try to figure out how to be a Supermom and fix her. Mommy instincts kick in; I realize we have some baking soda in a box in the back of the car from moving stuff out of our old house the previous week. I take her to the bathroom-owwie owwie owwie-and make a paste out of baking soda and water, apply it to her now somewhat swollen, red finger, and explain that she needs to keep it elevated. I carry her out and we go sit int he stands where my fiance's band is still sound checking-they can sound check for ages, I think it must be a skill. As I sit with Jojo, holding her, comforting her, the band manager comes up and tells her, "That's right Jojo they are number 1!" We giggle a bit and I tell him what just happened to her and I see it in his eyes; his heart bleeds. Everyone loves Jojo; what can I say I make beautiful baby girls!

So mean Mommy kicks in and I start asking the evil question that no kid wants to hear when they have just figured out that something innocent can go horribly wrong and leave you in pain forever, "What did you learn from this?" She sniffles and says, "Not to stick my finger in holes." I add, "Holes you don't know." My 13 year old thinks this is hilarious and we all giggle a bit. Needless to say, Jojo survived, number 1 finger intact, and is a fine, virile being today.

It got me to thinking though. How awesome my kid is that she was not afraid of the unknown. She didn't second guess putting her finger in that hole. She just stuck it out and went, whole heartedly, into the great dark abyss. Yes, she got stung-literally-but she wasn't afraid to try! Suddenly I started thinking about how many implications this could have if everyone led themselves into the unknown finger first. Think of the scary movie industry-how many naked beautiful girls would survive if they just stuck a finger around the corner instead of their heaving naked bodies. Just stick out their index finger and maybe wiggle it around as if asking "Hello, are you there big scary wierdo?" Sure some index fingers would get chopped off, but I'd rather lose a finger and live than take multiple stab wounds or worse to my corporal person.

Yes, I have decided this is the way of the future and it all came from a 4 year old kid.

Go, go into that dark unknown abyss-BUT-go finger first!